Eating out with children

Last night for our third wedding anniversary, Charlie and I splurged and went to Chez Panisse for a none-Monday night dinner.

Luckily, we hit one of their themed nights and last night's meal featured duck. Yumm~! [I will post photos of the meal in the other blog space]

Anyway, since we ate at a leisurely pace (a little over 2 hours for the 4 course meal), I had to go to the ladies' room a few times. On one of my trips, a lady in line struck up a conversation with me asking about my due date, etc. When I told her that Noah's going to be our first, she said..."Oh, it's going to be a wonderful experience...." Seeing that we're at a nice restaurant, I seized the opportunity to ask for advice on eating out with children. To my delight, she replied that one can get back to eating at real restaurants (vs. family friend chain places) "as soon as possible."

"It's a self-fulfilling prophecy," she said. "If you expect your children to act up, then they will." According to her, what we need to do is give the child clear instructions for how to behave at the restaurant (i.e. "you are going to sit quietly and eat this...so forth) and then there won't be any problems.

Charlie and I realize that it won't be as easy as she made it sound but we have seen someone accomplish this. While eating at an upscale restaurant in New Orleans (we haven't checked to see if it survived Hurricane Katrina but hopefully it's still there!) we noticed that the family next to us were dining with their two young kids (maybe ages 4 - 7?). While the parents enjoyed a leisurely meal and adult conversation, the kids worked quietly on their coloring books. They were so well-behaved that they were hardly noticeable. Truly amazing!

My guess is that the trick is to feed them ahead of time (from what I hear, kids like familiarity so they probably preferred to eat what they're used to eating at home*) and prepare something for them to be preoccupied with while the adults eat. Of course, the meal can't be too long or else they get bored or tired.

Not knowing how Noah will turn out, it's hard to say if we'll be able t pull this off...and even if we do, we might not take him to Chez Panisse Cafe (where the lady and her family were dining) but still, it gives us hope that we can enjoy an occasional meal out. Here's to more anniversary dinners at Chez Panisse~!

*Charlie and I haven't discussed this regarding food but we're not planning to "treat' our children to nice meals or international travel until they are "ready" or old enough to pay their own way. Several families on our 2005 Europe tour traveled with their teenage children but it was clear that not all of them fully appreciated the experience. Maybe someday we will change our minds but right now, it seems such a waste of money to take kids on that kind of family vacation (at about 2 - 3K per head) when all they want to do is get to a computer so they can chat with their friends all day. Also, given the opportunity, many of the teenagers opted for American fast food *gasp* instead of tasting the local cuisine ...another waste.

Do something nice for your mommy (to-be) friends

We're still dealing with the aftermath of our move into the new home so I haven't had any time to blog (not that any one's reading anyway...) but I wanted to make a note about something that was recently on my mind. Maybe if there's time after all the unpacking, I will come back to write more in detail...

Many of my close friends aren't married or have children so my sources of information and advice have been mostly from my sister or our friend E. Each week, they check in with me to see how I'm feeling/doing and one thing that I've noticed that they do (well, two things actually) is that they always ask how "I" am feeling. I guess being Moms themselves (my sister has 3 kids and E has 2), they know how easily mommies get neglected when all the attention is on the children. So it seems that they take extra care to ask about me (of course, they also ask about the baby).

Another thing that they do, which is somewhat related to being mindful to my well-being, is expressing encouragements or compliments about my appearance. No matter how sensitive and loving our husbands are, sometimes it's nice to hear that we look "pretty" or "cute" from someone else, especially on days when we make more effort. I told E that Sunday is my only "make-up" day and she nodded in understanding...and assured me that I looked "good." Even if she was just being nice, I felt cheery hearing her comment.

So yeah, these are some of the gestures I want to be mindful to do for my pregnant friends in the future - remember to ask about their well-being (especially about things they used to enjoy prior to becoming pregnant) and to affirm their efforts to dress up and look nice. Worked for me!

Ideas for baby photos

Even though we have at least 3 more months to go before baby comes, we know that the last few will fly by without notice so while we still have our sanity, Charlie and I have started to plan for the things that we would like/need to do once baby is born.

One of these things is "birth announcements," which coincides with baby photos.

Being the none-creative and lazy people we are, we decided to start collecting ideas from others...including this one, which we saw at my OBGYN's office. Our photographer friend told us that it's not an original idea but still, the execution is nice and appealing.

Maybe some time early next year, you will see something like this hanging on our walls?

It's new to me!

Ever since news about my pregnancy spread 2 months ago, advice and "gifts" from friends and family have been trickling in. One friend in particular brought bags of clothes (nicely cleaned and folded too) to church several Sundays in a row, which is especially touching considering that she has two young children at home and not much time to do anything else, let alone prepare these "care packages" for me.

While I'm grateful for all of the books, baby goods, and maternity clothes that friends have passed on, to be honest, it was daunting initially to figure what to do with all of these things. Then one afternoon, tired of keeping everything in bags and boxes, I decided to create a little "mommy" corner in our walk-in closet.

Unlike some people, I never got into the habit of keeping items of different sizes, even though I also had "fat" and "skinny" clothes. Hence, it was weird to see this new wardrobe of various sizes and styles. And even though I was very glad for all of the new clothes (especially since maternity fashion can be quite expensive), for a while, I hardly touched anything.

At first, I thought that it might be because subconsciously, I didn't want to acknowledge that my body was changing and now needed larger sizes. Later, however, I realized that it was more because I was having trouble figuring out how to wear things that someone else had chosen for their taste and needs. Day after day, I'd put on a shirt or a dress, only to take it off and change back into my own clothes because the reflections in the mirror that looked back at me seemed so oddly unrecognizable.

So despite having a sizable collection of maternity wear, I still wore non-maternity clothes for a while and ended up buying a few items - far more than I had expected to.

I'm happy to say though, that recently, I'm beginning to experiment with mixing the hand-me-downs with my own wardrobe. For example, one Sunday, I wore a wide belt (over my tummy and below my rib cage) with my friend's dress (turning it into an empire dress) and adapting it into a look that was more my usual style. Even though it was a small change, the dress looked so different that in fact, my friend hardly recognize her own clothes!

It will probably take me a while to figure out how to wear everything but I'm glad that it looks like I'm going to be able to make good use of the borrowed clothes.

Thanks again, friends, for showing me how to look beautiful with a changing body and for sharing your closets so generously. I hope that the pieces I'm adding to our mommy collection will help to make someone else happy someday too.

Sharing the happy news

After confirming the pregnancy with a hospital blood test, we decided to start telling our families about the happy news.

The first person to tell was obviously April because she's my closest "friend" and sister. And besides, she's my one source for all things maternity - books, clothes, baby items. The sooner I tell her the sooner I get to pump her for all that info!

It took place on Thursday afternoon, during one of my routine visits to her classroom to help her do some class prep. All week, I had thought about how to casually open up the topic but after waiting for over 30 minutes for her parent-teacher conference to end, I loss patience and just blurted out, "So, I guess we're pregnant!" She knew that we had been trying and that I might have even bought a home pregnancy test last week so the news was not a big surprise to her. Still, she put on an expression of shock and screamed three times "ah! Ah! AH!" each time louder than the last. Then we hugged and she started talking about all the books and clothing she had for me.

I guess she had been waiting for me to enter this last life stage for a long time. Being only a year apart, growing up we shared almost every experience even though she had to wait for me to get married (she married at 22 and I married at 31). For a while, Charlie and I weren't sure that we want to have a baby so she must have been anxious about not being able to experience parenthood together. And now our kids will be cousins and play with each other!

The next person we told was our brother Kevin because he happened to be at our place for dinner the next night and I don't recall April telling him about her pregnancies first so I thought that he might appreciate knowing before our parents.

After feeding him and seeing him relax, I popped the question, "So, how do you feel about becoming an uncle again?" "To your kids?" He asked. "Yup, we're pregnant." Not knowing that we were even trying, Kevin was genuinely surprised but certainly happy for us. Normally, I don't think he'd want to think about Charlie and I being intimate (because we're not a PDA kind of couple) but he sat there unflinchingly through my explanation about how we had finally decided to let God reveal His plan to us and this was His quick response to our inquiry. Last winter, I had commented once to Kevin that seeing how great he is with April's kids, I wished that he would around too when we had children. And now since his plans are likely to keep him in the area for at least a year or two, he will be!

The last family members we told were our parents and grandparents. There was no particular reason to wait but the weekend's Chinese New Year family gatherings seemed like good opportunities to share the news.

First, my parents. All night, during the family dinner, April and her husband David kept making side comments that alluded to my pregnancy (i.e. about how much beer and sake they want to drink because they CAN) but my parents didn't get the hints. Finally, after dinner, I casually brought up the topic of my dad's retirement and asked if they've made a decision on the date. [Dad is eager to retire but mom seems reluctant for him to] I waited for the discussion to die down a bit before going over to dad, putting my arm around him, and saying, "But you have to retire as you planned [after Oct] because you promised that you'd be free to help me with our baby." Upon hearing this, a smile broke out on dad's face. Mom still didn't get it though. So I had to say more firmly, "Yes, we're pregnant, even though it's only been 6 weeks." All she did was *blink*, *blink*. After repeating the same statement, she finally asked, "How do you know?" To this, everyone broke out in laughter. I guess I can't blame her. Even as recent as last month, all she heard me talk about was how unsure we were about parenthood and the sacrifices we'd have to make; she didn't know that we had already made the decision to try and that all this talk was more for confirmation.

Later that night, we also called Taiwan to wish them a happy new year and I broke the news to grandpa (BAY-BE's great grandfather) and he was pretty cheery about the news. I asked if he recalls saying that the next time he'll come to visit us in the US is to see my children. He said that he'll think about it then tried to convince me to go back to visit him first, sometime during my second trimester. No matter, I am pretty sure he will want to come see us. I AM his favorite grandchild after all.

For Charlie's family, we had to deliver the news via skype (we ought to submit this story to the company for use in a commercial) because his parents are in Taiwan and his sister is away for the long weekend. After some New Year greetings and general catch-up, Charlie simply stated, "J and I are pregnant." His sister gave a loud "Yay!" and his parents said "this is the best new year's news we've received."

So there you have it, the news is out. Next, we tell our friends...and wait for the well-wishes (or "condolences") and advice to pour in. Joy~

*Chinese custom says that it's better to wait until after the first trimester, when the pregnancy stabilizes but we figured, the sooner we get prayed for, the better

A lot of time...

Been sick this week with the flu - second one in two months even though Charlie and I dutifully vaccinated for the winter.

Unlike the previous one, however, this one seems to be more severe and sudden (or maybe it just seems that way since each time, I'm always sure that the current sickness is the WORST) so for two nights, I'm awake every hour, catching only 30 minutes of sleep here and there.

Not wanting to get Charlie sick, when a sudden onset of fever or head congestion woke me up, I usually walk out of the bedroom and settle in with a blanket in either the study or the living room. Too tired to do much else but too uncomfortable to sleep, I sat there in silence and the dimly lite room for what seemed like an eternity even though in reality, it was more like 10 - 15 minutes.

So what did I do during that forced quiet time? I meditated and prayed. Perhaps meditated is too serious of a word for a process that wasn't quite so "focused." Mainly, I just closed my eyes, let my thoughts wander and...talked to God.

Ordinarily, my prayers are like presenting a progress report to the Boss; telling Him where things are going well and asking for more reinforcements where they aren't.

But when you are sick and alone, the prayers become more honest. I prayed for quick healing because it is painful and I worried about how the medications would affect BAY-BE. I prayed for D because he has to take care of me and BAY-BE and I could tell that his immune system is being worn down from fighting my germs. I prayed for all the future nights that we'd be awake taking care of BAY-BE especially when s/he is sick. I also prayed for my niece who also came down with a cold this week. If I'm so miserable as an adult, I can't believe how the little five-year old is coping. Then I just prayed for whatever and whoever came to mind.

Of course, even in the midst of suffering God continues to teach me things. After a few rounds of sleep and waking up, I began to take these moments in stride. I became less anxious to make myself feel comfortable again so I could go back to sleep.

Sometimes, I just sat there in silence with my eyes closed, resting, until sleepiness overtook me and I naturally relaxed and drifted off to slumber. And aside from the discomfort of the flu symptoms, I was surprisingly alert and not "irritated" (for lack of better description) during the frequent wakings so I am hopeful that when I have to do this for BAY-BE - waking up multiple times during the night to feed and take care of him/her - that I could do it with tenderness and care.

The most important thing I learned, which I remembered from April was that once BAY-BE gets here, I'll have a lot of time to pray. At the time I didn't know what she meant now I have a hint; these late night sessions with just me, BAY-BE, and God are great times for good intimate conversations.

I just hope that God will remind me of this when the time comes.

Taking the "test"

It was Friday of last week, 6 days after my period was supposed to have come. Charlie suggested that we wait to do this because I had been sick the previous month with the flu; we thought that the stress on my body might have pushed the menstrual cycle back a few days. And since I have been having minor cramps for a few days, it seemed even more plausible that my menstruation was about to start.

But I was really curious and wanted to know if I should be staying off vices like coffee, coke, and beer.

So I went to Walmart and bought a home pregnancy test that came with two kits. Having never had reasons to browse this section before it took a while to decide which to buy. A recommended buying one that had several kits because "you always want to be sure" but still, I didn't think we'd need three, especially since some of them now claim to be able to let you know even BEFORE your missed period. (However, if you use the test, after your missed period, the accuracy goes up to 99%.)

After a nice meal and some time to relax (well, only about 5 - 10 minutes), we broke open the package and I went into the bathroom to pee into a cup. (I made Charlie read the instructions and actually dip the stick in the "liquid" so that he could participate in the process.) Even though the instructions said to give it 3 minutes, the results seemed to show up instantaneously. "Pregnant" it said. (I bought one that had a "digital reading" because I didn't want to deal with interpreting "lines.") The simplicity of this process took us by so much surprise that we both remained silent for a few minutes.

But there it was, in black and white, "pregnant." So we hugged each other and congratulated ourselves on becoming "preggers" and then proceeded to take 10+ photos (using Charlie's nice 8 mega pixel digital SLR) of the stick with its reading "pregnant." We even contemplated bringing the test kit/stick to the family dinner next week as a way to announce our "news."

But God must have taken a pity on our poor family and decided that it would ruin their dinner to have to look at a stick that I had peed on; the writing disappeared the next morning when we woke up.

Oh well, at least we've got the 10+ photos to show for the moment. And if that's not good enough, we still have one more test left in the kit. I don't mind peeing into the cup again as long as the test results will be the same.

But yeah, only one month into the new year, we have indeed become "preggers."

I guess God really wanted us to be parents and didn't want to give us any chance to go back on our decision to be "open" to whatever His plan is for us.

So lesson here is, don't ask God to tell you something unless you're really prepared to listen and ... obey.